None The Wiser

Two years from today, I will be thirty years of age. Assuming the average lifespan is 80, it means I'm 12 years away from being middle-aged.

Oh it's not the age or aging that affects me - it's an unstoppable process so why worry about it. It's the fact that I still feel like a child and, let's be honest here, behave like one. Maybe being the youngest among my fellow registrars doesn't help. Even with the two first year trainees coming in next year, I'd still be younger than them.

Childish behavior in my case does not mean stomping my feet, throwing tantrums or talking in a baby voice. I guess childish isn't the right word - a smidge unprofessional perhaps. For instance, I swear quite regularly while performing cut-up in the lab. Typically in the presence of science techs who I'm comfortable with. They find it hilarious but none the less, not very professional is it? On occasion, I make rude jokes (again, with people I know won't be offended) and get real sarcastic. True, I do tailor my behavior to the audience so I'd never do those things in front of the bosses but perhaps I shouldn't be doing it at all. Hmm. It's just that the more comfortable I am with certain people, the more I allow certain aspects of my personality to shine through. Again, tailored interactions though when I'm exhausted I forget to be civil and f-bombs may get loose.

Does that sound professional to you?

Oh well.

Despite inching closer to thirty, I'm none the wiser. I'm still messier than a pig. Champion procrastinator. Lazy beyond belief. Bad at developing relationships, and just as bad at maintaining existing ones. Unmotivated and constantly day-dreaming. Little kids may call me auntie, but man do I feel twelve sometimes. A twelve year old with money and a drivers license. What a scary thought.

Happy birthday you big baby.